When u really think about it at times change requires u to make selfish decisions. And once u make those decisions it doesn't necessarily mean that following through with it is going to be easy. I'm not going to lie, TONiGHT I'm struggling. I can see myself in CR, yet right now I can't bare the thought of saying bye, getting on the plane and being happy about leaving my family and friends behind. I pray that Jesus makes my heart feel better, right now and the next days to come. I want to be happy, to enjoy being around the ppl we love and excited about those we are getting ready to see. Transitions are hard... But this one has to be the hardest. I imagine it's a struggle of 2 desires... The will to follow God in the way he's asked or the desire of my human nature to not rock the boat and stay here...out of selfishness? Fear?
But as I type this I'm reminded that my treasure is in heaven and that I do...really want my life to count for his kingdom.
I'm blessed that I can call my sweet husband to come cry with me, it reminds me that it will be a team effort. To be each others cheerleader when times get tough.
Keren and David, I love u with all my heart. I will miss seeing your babies grow up... I will miss our conversations and late night card games. But I know that our love will keep us together (and Skype). Please Don't let ur babies not know their auntie vane, that is one of my greatest fears. I love u.
Emotional night but still trying to count my blessings through it all.
Love you Vane!! Don't forget to always seek God first. Glad to be able to see you lately through skype. Miss u and love u lots!
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